C H A P T E R

S I X




VAUGHAN FITZGERALD WAS NOT READY for Monday He wanted to go back to the monastery. He wanted to go back to the womb. The whole world had changed in a few days. Well then how come everything still looked the same? How come it was still January going on February. And no, he realized, the whole world had not changed. Just a few little things had changed. But they had changed Vaughan’s whole world.
My world is not THE world, Vaughan scribbled in his notebook during algebra. The thought was so intriguing that he wrote it a few more times, and then began to trace boxes around it, and draw swirls.
Vaughan waited for Brian Morris, the fat freshman who sat in front of him, to go to the bathroom, then while Mr. Snodgrass, the short, boylike moron who taught this class droned on, Vaughan reached into Brian’s book and methodically, offhandedly began copying the homework down with one hand while plotting his escape with the next.
Two more years...
He was sure things could not go on like this.

It was Ian who found Vaughan on his way to Latin.
Vaughan was putting his morning class books away, and murmuring a little tune he’d heard at the monastery. He looked up, shocked. The truth was he had wondered how he would react to Ian when his friend turned up. He’d sort of been dreading it.
“I wanted to talk to you,” Ian said.
“Okay?” All of Vaughan’s efforts were concentrated on looking cool, as if his mind had not been blown away only twelve hours earlier.
“Uh... I,” Ian looked at a loss for words. “I think I had thought about saying, ‘I’m sorry,’ but that doesn’t seem to make any sense. Uh...”
Ian was turning red and trying to find something to say. Finally he said, “We’re still friends. You and me? Right?”
“Yeah. Yes. Of course. Don’t be stupid.”
“Alright,” Ian said. He thumped Vaughan on the shoulder, then apparently the idea that this was a little too butch in light of the last four days hit both of them because Vaughan cocked his head and Ian blushed before giving him a quick hug.

Lunch was the off thing. Luke was not with them. Rodder was with Bone and Dice. But at the little table in the corner, three knew, and three did not. It was not for Vaughan to say anything. He wondered how Ian would tell Roy or even if Ian would tell Roy. How would Mackenzie tell Tina? Who was supposed to tell Madeleine.
“What the hell is wrong with the three of yawl?” Madeleine said.
“Must have been some weekend,” Tina commented.

When Ian knocked on the door, Vaughan answered and said, “Mackenzie’s not here.”
“I know he’s not here,” Ian looked a little put out. “I just saw him. He can’t be here because he’s there. I came to visit you here because you are here.”
“Oh,” said Vaughan., “Well then come on in. You want pie. It’s pecan.”
“That’s alright,” Ian said as they went down the hall toward the kitchen.
“You don’t like pecan pie?”
“I love pecan pie.”
“Well then eat the damn pie, already.”
“Alright? Are you always like this?”
“No,” Vaughan said, opening the refrigerator and pulling out a dish covered in aluminum foil. “Sometimes I’m difficult. Now get me a knife.”
“Where’re rhe knives?”
“In the knife drawer.”
Vaughan turned around. Ian had given him a sour look.
“Right there,” Vaughan pointed and smiled.
“Thank you,” said Ian, grinning back.
“No problem.”
Vaughan cut two pieces from the pie, and then slid them both into the microwave and while the machine was buzzing, Ian emptied his pockets onto the table.
“This is my photo album. I don’t believe in photographs,” Ian said, dumping trash onto the kitchen table.
“It’s so gauche isn’t it?” Vaughan said.
“Isn’t it though?”
“What the hell is this?” Cedric walked in and looked at his table as the micro- wave went off, and Vaughan retrieved the pie.
“It’s a photo album,” Vaughan said. “Dad, would you be kind enough to fill up two milk glasses--you want milk, Ian?--as long as you’re right there?”
“It’s a good thing I came in,” Cedric said, taking down glasses, “or else what would you drink?”
“We’d manage,” Vaughan said, and slid a piece toward Ian.
“God, it’s big,” Ian said.
“If you can’t eat it all--”
“I’ll manage.”
“I thought you could.”
“This is good!” Ian marveled.
“Do they cook at your house?” Cedric said
“Not like this!” Ian gestured with his fork to the pie.
“Not like this here, either,” Vaughan said, as he passed Ian his milk, and took up his glass. “it’s store bought.
“Just give away all of our secrets,” Cedric said, heading out of the kitchen.
“Dad, I know the day you learn to make biscuit pecan pie--”
“I’m already working on it,” said Cedric. And was gone.
“Okay,” Ian said. “First thing. A pebble from the beach where we went a lot.”
“You and the band? Or you and Mackenzie?”
“Me and Mackenzie more than anything else. The sand looked white, but not quite like Hawaiian sand--”
“You’ve been to Hawaii?”
“I plan to. One day. Wanna go?”
“Sure--”
“But I’m digressing,” Ian said, “Anyway, this pebble is from the big old pile of rocks a little ways off from our hotel where we would sit.
And this bar of soap and lotion is from our room. Your present, by the way, is at my house. This--”
“That’s gross--”
“-- is a wrapper from Jose’s Taqueria. Best tacos in the world! This is my first pack or Marlboro Reds. Simon turned me on to them--”
“Simon--”
“More about him later. He and Drew were great?”
Vaughan filed away Simon and Drew in the back of his mind.
“Exhibit the last,” Ian said in a small voice, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a plastic baggie.
“What’s this-- Oh, my!--”
“The bag that I helped Drew and Simon buy, but would not let Kenzie smoke, and didn’t smoke myself because I was in front of him. I’m going soft. I don’t think I’ll get high very often from now on.”
“You gave up weed for love,” Vaughan said, mockingly.
“Shut up!” Ian blushed, and finished his pie.
“Plus. I got you guys now. I don’t even have time to get fucked up. Before all I had was my room, and all this free time to hate people. Now... when you love anyone... that’s different.”
“I want to know the truth?” Vaughan said.
“What?” Ian looked a little caught off guard.
Vaughan picked up the pebble and examined it, turning the little white rock around and around in his hands. “People always take the happy pictures. Or the ones that they think we can understand. But I want the whole picture. I want to know what happened.”
Ian reached into Vaughan’s hand and took out the pebble.
“This is from the rock pile I kissed Kenzie on the first time. He told me how he felt about me, and the whole time he was telling me I was surprised because I was thinking how it was too good to be true. But I shouldn’t be thinking like that, right. Cause that’s gay. But this is where we kissed. I don’t really think we ended up there by accident.
This wrapper is from the taqueria we went too after the first time we made love.” His voice muffled on the last two words. “I don’t know if Kenzie would tell you details like that cause he’s shy and you’re you. But that was pretty much what went on the whole time in the hotel room.”
He looked up at Vaughan. “I’m telling you cause I want you to be happy for us. If not for us, for Kenzie. You knew. You’ve known about him.”
“Of course,” Vaughan said, dismissive. He added, “I told him he should tell you. But it was his life, you know?”
“Does Tina know?”
“She figured it out,” Vaughan said. “We know. We... I didn’t want to keep it from you.”
Ian waved it off.
“No, it’s just that you should be happy then that he’s got someone, and that I care for him. You know I do?”
“Yeah,”
“Vaughan, I’m serious.”
“Ian,” he touched his other friend’s hand. “I know you are. Alright?”
Ian nodded.
“What else do you want? My blessing?”
“Yeah, actually,” Ian said. “I can’t get it from his parents. They wouldn’t understand.”
Vaughan sat back and grinned. He traced a lazy sign of the cross in the air over Ian, wondering which one of them would go to hell first.
“Consider yourself blessed, ” said Vaughan.

“WELL,” TINA SAID, “IF IT had to be anyone it’s best that it’s Ian. He’ll be good to you.”
She sat on her bed under one of Ida’s old comforters. Mackenzie sat beside her, his head on a pillow.
“But you’ve got to be good to him, too,” Tina said. “I mean, I know you will be. I don’t know why I said that. But you were already out and everything. You chose to be gay. Or at least chose to admit it, and live with it. Ian didn’t choose to be gay, he chose to be with you. That’s sort of special.”
“I know.”
“Not many people are able to snag their fantasy lover, even when it’s under the easiest, most normal circumstances,” Tina said. “How’s Vaughan taking it?”
`Mackenzie thought about it and said, “Really well, actually.”
“Yeah, well... You two watch out for him too. That -- that’s not going to be easy for him.”
“I know. He told me last night. He said I have a way of throwing a lot of shit on him and expecting him to cope.”
“And?”
“And he was right,” Mackenzie said.
“What about Roy?”
“Ian’s not telling him.”
“That’s odd. He’ll have to tell him sooner or later,” Tina said.
“He thinks he’s too young.”
“He’s only a year younger than you. Plus that one guy, Simon... Didn’t you tell me he got with Drew when Drew was Roy’s age.”
“That’s right,” Mackenzie scowled. “That’s still kind of heavy. I don’t know if that’s a good reason to drop the bomb on a fourteen year old.”
“Now back to this Simon,” Tina made a rewinding gesture with her unlit cigarette. “Is he hot?”
“No, but you’d like him.”
“But he wouldn’t do me because he’s gay.”
“He’s not really. I don’t think he’s gay in that way. I mean, I think he’d be with a girl. He just found Drew first. I don’t know. He might be bi.”
“Tina shrugged. “I think we’re all try--”
“Try anything?”
Tina nodded and chuckled. “I think we’re all adaptable but we just get conditioned to say, no I’m straight. No, I’m gay. I bet you really don’t know until it comes around and blows your fuckin’ mind.”
“Does Luke blow your fuckin’ mind?” Mackenzie asked.
“Sometimes. Does Ian blow yours?”
“Perpetually.”
“Good... If it ever gets... scary for you. Too heavy? You’re only sixteen. You know you can come and talk to me, don’t you?”
Mackenzie nodded.
“Good. Is it too heavy for you right now?”
Mackenzie shook his head.
“Good,” said Tina. “Then go away. I got homework.”

Mackenzie was undressing for bed when he finally paid attention to the rapping on his wall. It was not on his wall after all. He looked around the room and then, put a hand to his ear and pulled on his tee shirt before he went to the old curtain, pulling it open.
He almost laughed when he saw Ian’s face on the other side, and he immediately unlocked the window, then fiddled with it until it came up with a groan.
“You’re a nut!” Mackenzie whispered as Ian, chuckling, fell through the window onto Mackenzie.
“Shush,” Mackenzie whispered. “Someone’s gonna come by and wonder what’s going on. And shut the window.”
“Alright already,” Ian said, picking himself up off of Mackenzie and going to shut the window, pull back the curtain.
“I was wondering--” Mackenzie started.
“How we’d be together again?”
Mackenzie nodded.
“I drove here.”
“Your parents’ll wonder what happened to your car.”
“They’ll get over it,” Ian said coming closer and catching hold of Mackenzie’s waist in his hands. “I wanted to be with you. You wanna be with me tonight?”
Mackenzie nodded, then said, “You’re staying the night aren’t you? You’re not just gonna run off when it’s over?”
Ian shook his head and kissed Mackenzie on the mouth.

“I gotta go. I gotta get home,” Ashley said, stepping out of Bone’s car.
“You don’t seem to want to be with me as much as you used to,” Bone said.
“What are you talking about?” Ashley felt a little pissed off. She tried to contain herself.
“What’s going on with you and Rafferty?”
“Rafferty?” Ashley said. “Mr. Rafferty?”
Bone frowned, his big lips scowling, “Don’t go all. Mr. Rafferty. Like you haven’t thought about doing him!”
“He’s a teacher!”
“So?”
“Look,” Ashley stepped out of the car, slammed the door and looked into the window, “I don’t have to explain myself to you. But you know what? I will, just this once. Mr. Rafferty is tutoring me because, hate to admit it, I don’t have the greatest mind in the world, and I’ve been a little too happy to ignore my classes. He’s helping me out.”
“I bet he is.”
“Oh, fuck you!” Ashley dismissed him, and went around to the back door.
Tina was standing in the kitchen in pajama pants and a tee shirt, eating a piece of buttered bread .
“What?” Ashley demanded.
“Nothing, Ash,” Tina said. “Trust me, it’s really not all about you.”

“Whaddo you think Drew and Simon are doing right now?” Mackenzie asked Ian.
“Probably what we’re doing,” Ian replied, chuckling.
“Sneaking around, like Romeo and Juliet.”
“Who’s Juliet?” Ian turned on his side. Mackenzie turned on his, and they looked at each other.
“How about Romeo... and Romeo then?”
“Wasn’t there another guy in Romeo and Juliet?” Ian said.
“Yeah, but that’s something Vaughan would know. Besides, I think he dies.”
“They all die!” Ian jabbed Mackenzie in his sternum.
“Ouch,” Mackenzie jabbed him back.
“Alright, already!” Ian put a hand up. “I don’t know how I feel about dying, though.”
“There’s this rumor I’ve heard,” Mackenzie said, laying on his back, “that we’ve all got to do it.”
“Not tonight.”
“I felt like I was. Tina says an orgasm is called a little death. By the French. That’s what it felt like. I felt out of control.”
“With me?” Ian was still on his side.
“No, with the other guy in this bed.”
Suddenly Ian rolled over and on top of Mackenzie, He straddled him and squeezed his thighs around Mackenzie’s middle.
“I wanna tell the world about you. I want to tell everyone about us. The whole time we were doing it, and you kept on telling me to be quiet I didn’t wanna be.”
“You look wild! You look nuts.”
“I feel nuts,” Ian said, sucking Mackenzie’s throat, and lifting his mouth up. He kissed his lips, and his eyes, and his face. “I don’t think I’ve been in love with anyone like this. I know I haven’t. I didn’t know it felt like this. I want to let everyone know I want to make noise. I want people on the other side of the wall to ask what’s going on, to be able to tell folks,” he whispered into Mackenzie’s ear, “I’m with Mackenzie... I’m with Mackenzie.”
Ian rolled over out of breath, and sat up. He turned around.
“This is the shitty part. This is exactly what Simon and Drew must go through. Keeing quiet. They’ll be together forever. This shit sucks. I can’t imagine sneaking around for two years.”
“But you’re here,” Mackenize said, sitting up. “We’re here. You’re staying the whole night. We just made love in this bed. So what’s the problem.”
“The problem is I want folks to know!”
“Well we can’t have everything we want!” Mackenzie said sourly.
Ian took a deep breath, and then said, “Shit. I’m sorry, Kenzie.”
“What?”
“I’ve pissed you off.” He turned to him and touched his cheek, “Baby, I don’t wanna piss you off. You’re the last person I wanna piss off. Well, maybe Vaughan. Cause he’d pull his blade on me.”
Mackenzie shook his head and said, “You’re not saying anyhting I’m not feeling. It’s just... I mean, if we were a normal couple. If one of us was a girl. We still couldn’t tell anyone. In fact, we probably wouldn’t have had... sex by now. You definitely couldn’t be in this room.
“If anyone catches me in here,” Ian stared.
“Shit!” Mackenzie got out of bed and went to the door and locked it. Ian watched his body in the shadows. He wanted to look at him all night. Mackenzie climbed back into the bed and Ian spread himself across the other boy. Mackenzie planted his hands in Ian’s spiky hair as Ian began to kiss him.
“What I meant to say,” Mackenzie’s voice was lowered, “is no one’s going to think anything of you for coming here now. But if you were a girl, you could never spend the night in my room. So we’ve got a few things to be thankful for. And I just think we should shut the hell up.”
“And be grateful?” Ian kissed Mackenzie again.
“And be grateful.”


v i

Bone Mc.Arthur had given up on looking for Rodder on Friday nights. If any of the old gang asked where he was, Bone would just say, “He’s a married man now.”
And Bone had given up on trying to razz Ashley about Mr. Rafferty. She had given up on denying that there was anything she felt for him, and so what was the point? What he wanted to hear her tell him was that this was silly. She’d never want Mr. Rafferty. The way she didn’t want Rodder. Except Bone was not sure that this was true. In fact he was sure she did want Rodder, and that she still had a roving eye, especially for members of the basketball team. Especially for that black guy, Hakim. Rumor was that his girlfriend, Claudia -- who was Madeleine Fitzgerald’s cousin -- had dropped him.
Well, whatever rumor said about anyone else, on the last Friday in January, Rodder was at the coffee shop in Belmont beside Luke, who was discreetly smoking his cigarettes, and they were both watching their ladies perform. Rodder didn’t talk to Luke often, and wondered if the guy in his beat up leather jacket and shoulder length hair counted Tina Foster as his girlfriend. They would have made a good enough couple. But they were not having sex. Not that this made a relationship They two of them just seemed to get on well.
Tina and Luke got in the back seat of the car. For a brief moment, as Rodder in his sheepskin coat went around to open the door for Madeleine, he remembered that earlier, at a much hotter time last year, he’d had Tina’s sister in the very spot where Tina was obliviously sitting, talking to Luke. Rod pulled up his wool collar and put the memory out of his head.
“To Michael Street, Logan Street or somewhere else?” he said.
“I think we should go somewhere else,” said Madeleine as Rodder started up the car on Elmhurst Street.
“Where?” Luke leaned forward.
“What about a club?”
Tina barked out a laugh, “Maddy, you’re the only one who’s got an ID.”
“Rod, what about you?” said Luke. Rodder was surprised to be addressed.
“What?”
“I mean, what about suggestions for where to party? You’re Joe Football and everything.”
“Yeah right” said Rodder. “I’m locked in my room studying all night most of the time.”
They moved down Elmhurst, through little downtown Belmont. In the night they could see the shadow of the small community college as they passed its gates.
“He’s right,” Madeleine said. “No Belmont for Rod. He’s going to MIT.”
“Get the fuck out,” Tina said, as Rodder turned right on Easington.
“It’s not certain.”
“Dude, still that’s cool,” Luke said. “I mean, I would thank God to get into ITT and you’re going to MIT.”
“I don’t even know if I want to,” Rodder confessed, sounding a little moody.
“Maddy, how much did you take in tonight?” Luke demanded.
“Luke!” Tina swatted him and shifted her guitar around. “That is an unprofessional question.”
When Madeleine told him, Luke said, “Well, shit!”
“It’ll never pay rent.”
“Yeah, thank God you don’t have rent,” Luke told her. “Rod at MIT, you in Nashville.”
“Luke, I said it’s not certain.”
“Sorry man.”
Rodder realized he’d snapped a little and said, “I didn’t mean to get cranky about it.”
“And there’s no future in this music shit anyway,” Madeleine said. “But it’s fun.”
“Hey, guys, I know.” Rod waited for the light to turn green, and then gunned it down Argonne Street. They sped through green lights, whizzing through the one storied shops, bars and restaurants of the Main Street that divided Jamnia from Belmont.
“Where are we going?” Tina demanded.
Rodder looked back and grinned. “We’re gonna sneak into the Red Dragon.”

Kevin heard the voices murmuring to each other at the head of the stair, and then the clump of feet. Each of his six children had a foot pattern he had unconsciously picked up on, and so he was surprised when it turned out to be Roy and not Mackenzie.
“Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Foster,” he said, caught off guard by the fact that they seemed caught off guard. “I came to get a glass of water. Ryan kept on going on about water. I think he was trying me make me have to pee -- I mean, go to the.... urinate. But it just made me thirsty.”
Kevin kept looking at him, and Roy looked back.
“Yeah,” Kevin shook himself back to normal and grinned. “Tumblers are right there. Hold on. They’re high up. He crossed the kitchen and pulled one down. “Here you go.”
“Thanks sir,” said Roy, going toward the refrigerator.
“You just spooked me out when you came into the kitchen. I was kind of distracted. I was stuck in my own head.”
“Yeah, Ryan does that a lot.” Roy twisted the ice tray, and it set off a small volley of cracking ice, he began putting cubes into the tumbler. “I call it spacing out.”
“But I thought you were Mackenzie,” Kevin said. “You two are kind of alike.”
“Me and Mackenzie?” Roy looked dubious.
Kevin shrugged.
Roy turned on the faucet, refilled the tray, and put it back in the refrigerator. He filled his glass and shut off the water.
“And I wanted to thank you for driving me and Ryan to Dairy Queen.”
“No problem, Roy. If you kids need something. Just let me know.”
“Alright, sir,” Roy said.
It wasn’t until he’d gotten back upstairs that he remembered he wasn’t supposed to call Mr. Foster Sir. coming up the stairs he nearly crashed into Aileen, and he went red but she laughed and said, “Don’t kill me, tonight, Roy!”
“Sorry, Ma’am.”
“I’m not Ma’am yet,” Aileen shook her head, patted the boy on the shoulder and went down the steps.
“Your folks are cool,” Roy reported, coming back into Ryan’s room, and shutting the door with his back.
“Sometimes,” Ryan said. “Did you get me water?”
“Get it yourself,” Roy crashed on the bed beside his friend. “You know what your dad said about me?”
“That you were a jerk for not getting me water?”
“Believe it or not, no. Ry, he actually didn’t say that. He said I looked like your brother?”
“Ross?”
“No, Kenzie.”
“No you don’t! Kenzie’s blond. Well, you kind of have the same gestures and all. I never thought about it. It’s probably because of Ian. You’re close to Ian and Mackenzie’s close to Ian.”
“Mackenzie’s more than close to Ian,” Roy said.
“When Kenzie was going to Our Lady some kids used to tease him and say that he and Vaughan were gay together.”
“That’s not what I was saying,” Roy said, taking a quick swig from his water glass because he realized that was exactly what he had been saying. Ryan realized it too.
“Yes it was,“ he said. “People think I’m stupid.”
“I don’t think you’re stupid.”
“No, but you think I don’t pick up. Mackenzie and Vaughan are about as gay as us. But you were saying that Ian and Kenzie are...”
“Like a couple?”
“Ask me a question if I ask you a question?” Ryan turned around and said to Roy. “And it won’t leave this room cause no one listens to us anyway.”
“Alright?”
“Ask me what I think about your cousin and my brother.”
“Alright?”
“But only if you wanna know?” Ryan cautioned.
“Alright, already.”
“Ian sneaks over here almost every night. Mackenzie’s room is next door. I think they’re a couple.”
Roy grew round eyed and solemn.
“I think so too. I don’t think it’s nasty or anything, but Ian used to tell me everything, and now I think he thinks he can’t tell me about this. Now you’re turn.”
“Are you sure?”
“You’re the one that started this?” Roy finished his water. He lifted the empty glass, “You want me to get you some?”
“Not really,” Ryan shook his head.
“Well ask me... What you want to ask.”
“Cane is your mom’s last name, right?”
“Right?”
“And it’s your’s too?”
“You wanna know what happened to my dad, don’t you?”
Ryan nodded his head.
Roy shrugged. “Well, I can’t tell you. It was never talked about. You’d think I was a virgin birth or something.”
“You never asked?”
“Would you?” Roy said.
“No,” Ryan shook his head. “I guess not.”

Luke and Tina went directly to a booth near the billiard tables and ordered burgers and fries. Madeleine presented the ID and ordered four beers. Rodder took out the money, wrapped his arm around her, and looked like a hardass. Neither one of them looked at each other or else they would have started laughing.
“Thank you,” Madeleine told the bartender.
“Now we stride real slow,” Rodder directed as they went back to the table. “We don’t look at each other. That’s being like teenagers.” He took a beer and handed it to Luke. They clinked bottles lightly. Madeleine handed a beer to Tina.
Luke gestured to the pool table and told Madeleine, “I was going to play Tina, but why don’t you?”
“I was gonna beat your ass,” Tina said sadly, “and now I’ll just have to beat Maddy’s.”
“Oh, bitch, dream on,” Madeleine said, taking a swig from her beer, and getting up to leave the booth, followed by Tina who was grabbing a cue.
Luke leaned over and said to Rodder, “Rod, thanks for the beers. I’m sorry for razzing you about MIT.”
“It’s nothing,” Rod said. “Sorry for freaking out.”
“It’s just that surprised me and all. I thought you’d go to some football school.”
Rod shook his head and swigged from the bottle. “Football gets old. No, I always wanted to be a scientist.”
“Get out.”
“Don’t tell, Madeleine. But I also applied to University of Chicago.”
“That’s kind of swank isn’t it?”
“It’s real... swank,” Rod nodded his head, and allowed himself a grin. “I applied to a few other places too. I don’t think there’s a football school on the list.”
Luke smiled. “I didn’t know that about you.”
“What about you?” said Rod.
“Huh?”
“School?”
Luke shrugged. “I hadn’t thought about it.”
“Well, you got decent grades, don’t you?’
“Yeah. Decent enough. Maybe I’ll go to Belmont.”
“Nothing wrong with Belmont.”
“Nothing right with it, either.” Luke said, taking out a cigarette. He offered one. Rod waved it away and shook his head. “I wanna get the fuck out of Lawrence County,” Luke told him. “I used to wanna see the world. Maybe one day I will.”

“Oh, bitch, you’re going down!” Tina shouted. “Yeah. I see that look on your face. Good. Be afraid, be very afraid.” Tina leaned across the table with her cue and was about to stab the cue ball when she felt a tap on her shoulder, and a familiar voice said, “Excellent form. Ms. Foster.”
“Oh, shit!” Tina muttered and turned around.
George Stearne was standing beside Mick Rafferty, grinning.
Tina turned to Madeleine who was still in a state of shock.
“Well, I don’t believe this,” Tina said, sounding pissed off more than anything.
“That was actually what we were thinking,” Stearne said. “My esteemed colleague and I are playing over there,” George Stearne jerked his thumb at another table. “How about winner plays winner?”
“If,” Mick Rafferty added, “you think you’re up to it.”
Madeleine found her voice and said, “if you’re up to it, we’re up to it.”
“And if someone finds out you all are woefully underage,” Stearne whispered to Tina, “Tell them you’re with us,”
The two went back to their pool table.
“I’ll be goddamned,” Madeleine murmured. She looked to the table where Rod and Luke were staring at them.
“Did you see that shit?” Tina demanded.
“Why do you think our jaws are on the floor?” Luke said after nodding.

“I can’t believe Stearne and Rafferty conspired with us,” Rodder said, swinging after Luke into the garage behind Windham Street.
“I can’t believe you beat Stearne,” Madeleine told Tina.
“I can,” she said. “He was trying to be soft on me. I guess he didn’t think I knew what I was doing. But as you can tell, I did.”
Kirk crossed the room, placed one beer in Luke’s hand and another one in Rodder’s.
“A new member to the casa,” he said.
“This is Rod,” Madeleine rapped an arm about him.
“Rod? Kirk Berghen.”
The two shook hands.
“Is it just the men or do ladies get beer too?” Tina demanded.
“She’s drunk on power. George Stearne already bought her a beer tonight,” Luke explained.
“Show me a lady, and maybe I’ll think about getting her a beer,” Kirk told his cousin.
“I’ll show you my ass so you can kiss it,” Tina said. “What the hell is going on over there?”
In the center of the room, Money Carroll was gathered with many of the town potheads, including a few that hung out on the smoker’s steps at Jamnia High, and when Tina inched in next to her she saw Vaughan reading a spread of cards with Meg Berghen beside him.
“Maddy, get over here!” Tina called.
On either side of Vaughan, Mackenzie and Ian, the latter with a smoldering cigarette dangling from his mouth, looked up at Tina.
“Well, shit it;s a regular family affair!” Madeleine said.
“You’re fucking up my concentration,” Vaughan told his sister.
“Will you red mine?”
“When I’m finished with Money’s Vaughan said.
Tina went to get a chair, and sat down behind Money who was sipping her beer while Vaughan told her that this was the end of a long hardship that had lasted about three years, and things were only going to get better.
“That’s why the Five of Pentacles is reversed,” Vaughan pointed to the middle of the spread.
“Well, shit,” Money murmured.
“Is it a good read?” Vaughan looked at Meg.
“Pretty good,” she nodded with an amazed look that said it was more than pretty good. “You can finance college like this.”
“My turn, my turn,” Madeleine said.
“You always thought I was a quack,” Meg Berghen said, negligently reaching into Ian’s breast pocket for a cigarette.
“I’m trying to support my brother, alright?” said Madeleine.
“Take these cards and shuffle them, face down. with your eyes closed,” Vaughan instructed. “Ask a question and keep shuffling until you’re ready to stop.”
“How do I know when I’m ready?”
“You’ll know. Just do it,” said Vaughan.
“I wish I could know if I should go to MIT in the fall or not,” Rodder murmured beside Luke.
Tina came around the table while Madeleine was shuffling cards, swatted her brother on the head, but went to Ian.
“What’s up?” she said.
“Not much? Why?”
“You haven’t been by the house is all. Well, not during daylight.”
When Ian gave her a startled look, Tina laughed and said, “Ryan sees a lot. He only tells me. No one else pays attention to me.”
“Roy’s over there tonight.”
“Maybe you all,” Tina gestured to Mackenzie, “are the subject of discussion.”
Ian stood up, and gestured for Tina to follow him to a corner. Mackenzie spared them a glance, and then went back to watching Vaughan read cards.
“Roy doesn’t know anything,” Ian told her.
“He does now, I’m sure” Tina said. She swigged from the beer. “You should have told him right away.”
“I didn’t know if he could handle it. That’s big for a fourteen year old. Hell, it’s big for me.”
“Well....” Tina shrugged.
“Tina, how do you feel about it all?”
“It’s none of my business,” she shrugged.
“But how do you feel about it?”
“Who cares?”
“I do,” Ian said, a little fiercely. “What everyone thinks doesn’t matter to me, but what some people think does. So it matters. you’re his sister and your cool and all. So, I wanna know if we’re still cool.”
Tina laid a hand on Ian’s arm and said, “I’ll tell you what? When my brother told me he was gay I thought, ‘Well, fine.’ Then I started thinking, ‘Shit, men are pigs.’ I mean, they really are. And I thought, ‘Mackenzie’s a fucking heartbreaker.’ Isn’t he? Isn’t he?”
Ian nodded when he realized Tina wanted an answer. It was still odd to admit he liked looking at another guy. The guy was talking to Rodder and Luke now.
“And I thought,” Tina went on, taking out her cigarettes, “he could have anyone he wanted, you know? Any girl. But now he’s involved with men, please don’t let him find an asshole. And then you came around. And when you popped into the scene I used to actually think -- too bad he’s not gay. You and Vaughan are the good guys. And now Mackenzie’s with you. So we’re very cool, Mr. Cane.”
She sat back and grinned, “You gonna take care of my brother?”
Ian nodded.
“My the cat does have your tongue,” Tina laughed at him and lit her cigarette. “Don’t be afraid to say yes. Mackenzie’ll take care of you. That’s the kind of guy he is.”

The next morning, Vaughan woke up to Ian’s loud snoring in his ear, and Mackenzie sitting up on the other side of him. Outside the sky was pewter grey, and the light had leeched Mackenzie of color. He was looking very thoughtful, very distracted actually.
When he realized Vaughan was awake he said, “It’s just like old times.” He pointed to Tina and Luke passed out in an easy chair. “And new,” Ian beside Vaughan, Rod and Madeleine in a pile of bed clothes.
“Yeah, maybe we could have a threesome to link the old to the new,” Vaughan said.
“You are so nasty,” Mackenzie told his friend, shaking his head.
“This is news?” Vaughan pulled himself up so that he sat beside Mackenzie.
“I still can’t believe the two of you...”
“Have sex?” Mackenzie said.
“That would be the the phrase I was looking for. I don’t know, I expected you all to be a little more romantic in public, and you’re not, so it’s hard to imagine you all... in bed.”
Mackenzie gave Vaughan a tired look and said, “The last thing I want my best friend to be imagining me doing is having sex with anyone. Ian included. Especially Ian,” he looked over at the other boy curled up in a fetal position, his mouth open a little.
“He’s co cute,” Mackenzie said, “except for that whole drool coming out of the mouth thing. And he doesn’t have morning mouth. Not really”
“Always good to know.” Vaughan said. “Look, what’s troubling you. You look like... You look like crap.”
“I was trying to find a loophole.”
“Huh?”
“Premarital sex is wrong? Right?” said Mackenzie.
“Yeah. That’s what we learned in Catholic school. That’s what it says in the Bible.”
“And it’s wrong to be gay?”
“Does it say that in the Bible?”
“I don’t know,” said Mackenzie. “Well, not really. I’ve been doing some reading and it’s different words. They don’t mean... what me and Ian are. It’s like something different. So, I don’t think it’s wrong. But we’re not married anyways, and we’re having sex so I think I have to stop being a server.”
“An altar boy?”
Mackenzie nodded.
“And a Eucharistic minister?”
Mackenzie nodded again, solemnly.
“But, Kenzie, you love all that stuff.”
“Yeah, but if it’s wrong it’s wrong.”
“Well what if it isn’t wrong?” Vaughan said. “You’re not wrong. You’re not evil.”
“Vaughan, you’ll wake Ian up.”
Vaughan quieted himself. “But you’re not. And so...” Vaughan sighed.
“Maybe I shouldn’t take Communion anymore, either.”
“Kenzie!”
“Well, I don’t know if I’m wrong or evil or what, but I do know that I’m gonna be a hypocrite if I’m making love to Ian and standing up in church like I’m a model sixteen year old virgin. So I’m not going to do it.”
“You’re not going to take communion anymore, either?” said Vaughan.
“I don’t think I should,” Mackenzie said.
“But it’s Jesus. I mean the rest I can understand. But people shouldn’t stop you from Jesus. If you believe in Jesus.”
“Well, that’s just it,” Mackenzie confessed. More than any other confession he’d made all year he knew this would be the one effected Vaughan. “I don’t know if I believe anymore. I had to think about it for a while, but I don’t think I do.”
Vaughan nodded. Mackenzie wanted to say he was sorry, but that sounded stupid. No other words sounded right either.

RALPH HANLEY STOPPED BY 1959 that evening, and Vaughan answered the door.
“Uncle Ralph he,” said. “Dad’s in the study.”
“Actually I came to talk to you.”
“Um?”
“Yeah,” Ralph said coming in.
“Well, hit me.”
“Some friends said you were at the monastery last weekend.”
“Um hum,” Vaughan nodded. “But that’s not what you came to ask me.”
Ralph raised an eyebrow and appraised Vaughan.
“You are your father’s child.”
“That’s what he tells me.”
“I wanted to know about Mackenzie.”
Vaughan moved to the piano and beat out a series of frantic icy notes on the ivories.
“What’s that mean?”
“It means you’d better talk to Mackenzie about Mackenzie.”
“I already did. He said he’d be chief server for two more Sundays. Until he trains Bobby Reedy. And then he’s out of here. His words. That’s all he’ll say.”
“Well then you should probably go talk to Dad.”
Ralph nodded and went down the hall to tap on Cedric’s study.
“Come on in, Ralph.”
When Ralph opened the door he said, “It’s good to know you still can tell my footsteps.”
“Always could,” Cedric swiveled around. “I don’t like this play. I’m writing it anyway. I get paid, and that’s always nice.
“What’s up with Mackenzie Foster?”
“What?” Cedric looked up.
“He quit being my server. I think he said he doesn’t want to take Communion anymore, and he won’t be Eucharistic minister. I was going to ask him to head youth ministry next year. I don’t think he wants to do that either. Did the devil drop down on him and make him an atheist? Come on, now! Vaughan sent me to you. I guess cause you know everything.”
The devil didn’t make him anything,” Cedric laughed. “God dropped down and made the boy a homosexual. The Church still doesn’t know how do deal with that, and niether does he.”
Whoever had dropped down and done what, Ralph looked like Cedric had dropped out of the sky with a hydrogen bomb.
“No, I’m serious,” Cedric assured him. “I can see you’ve been in the dark awhile. I’ll try to fill you in on what I know.”




When he had finished, the priest said, “Do Kevin and Aileen know?”
“Hell no!” swore Cedric.



v i i

Roy sat on his cousin’s bed, toying with the silver ring on his middle finger. Finally he looked up at Ian and said, “I wish you had just told me from the beginning.”
“I was trying to protect you.”
“From what, E?”
Ian shrugged and felt stupid. “I don’t know. From me. I didn’t--” Ian sighed. “That’s not really true. Not completely.”
His cousin was still looking up at him.
“I didn’t want you to think I was a fag. I didn’t want you to think anything about Mackenzie either.”
“Well, shit,” Roy turned his head from his cousin and looked a little disgusted.
“It’s just,” Ian said, “you made that one comment. About how I went on about Mackenzie so much and--”
“Did I call you a fag?”
“No,” Ian admitted.
“No, the whole ride home you just kept going on about how you weren’t one, though. And then two days later you and Kenzie start an affair.”
“Shhh!” Ian put a nervous finger over his mouth, not sure if he should be amused or upset.
“Oh, please,” Roy said. “No one here even knows who Mackenzie is. You should have him by.”
“I should not.”
“You’d better. Sooner or later. And besides,” Roy said. “Grown ups hide enough stuff from us. We can hide a little from them?”
Ian cocked his head.
“Well now who’s being stupid?” Roy said. “Again?”
Ian wondered what had gotten into his little weedy cousin to make him such a bitch today. Actually, what had gotten into everyone, come to think of it?
As if Roy had heard Ian’s words, he said, “Ryan asked me who my father was. Actually, he was real good about it. He hinted at it. Everyone thinks he’s a moron, but I swear he sees everything.”
“I guess,” Ian said, realizing that it was because of Ryan’s ability to see through everything that he was now telling Roy the truth about Mackenzie.
“Of course,” Roy went on, “I had to tell him that I didn’t know. That I’m almost fifteen and I don’t know who the fuck my dad is.”
Ian was about to suggest that Roy ask Aunt Race, but this would only be a good way to get another smart mouthed answer from his cousin, and he’d had enough of the new and improved Roy Cane today.
“E, can I ask a question?” Ian raised his eyebrows and nodded, like a serious school teacher.
“What’s it like being with a guy. Whaddo you do?”
“Are you gonna start up something with Ryan?”
“Don’t be nasty,” Roy said before he realized that it sounded a lot like he was calling Ian nasty. “Ryan’s my friend,” he tacked on.
“I was just being an ass,” Ian said, and sat on the bed beside him.
“I’m not saying what you and Kenzie do is nasty,” Roy said. “I just don’t get sex -- period.”
“Look, Roy, Mackenzie’s my friend, alright? Just like Vaughan.”
Roy raised a dubious eyebrow at this, and Ian grinned wryly from the side of his mouth.
“With a few differences,” the older boy allowed. “You remember when I was with Cindy?”
“Did you ever sleep with her?”
Ian shook his head.
“But we kissed and stuff. She was my girlfriend. Right? You know how you’re told you grow up and you find someone to care about? In a special way. Like how Kenzie and Ryan’s parents got together when they were around our age and have been together ever since? Well, I care for Kenzie that way. And he cares for me. It’s not just sex.” Ian smirked and said, “It’s not that much sex at all, actually. I better call him, he’s been looking a little pissed lately.”
Ian climbed off the bed, and went to the phone, dialing Mackenzie’s number. Roy watched his older cousin in jeans and tee shirt, his spiky hair and the serious look on his face. For Ian Vaughan there had only been Roy to talk honestly too before Vaughan. Before Kenzie there had been no one to... care about. This was what Roy realized he was seeing. He didn’t get the bedroom stuff, but he got the fact that his cousin definitely had a sweetheart.
“Shit,” Ian said, hanging up the phone. “Mrs. Foster said he’s at church.”
“Do Catholics go to church all day?”
“Don’t be stupid, Roy. They’re like us. Plus I just told you I talked to Mrs. Foster, so that means she’s not in church. You wanna go over with me. He should be back by the time we get to Logan. Grab your coat.”

When Mackenzie got the cryptic phone call from Ralph Hanley he immediately went upstairs and asked his sister to borrow the car.
“Firstly,” Tina said, “you’re not licensed. Secondly, it’s winter. Thirdly, if I say yes, then Lindsay’ll moan about it and say she should drive it too. And last, you look mad as a hatter. So I think I’ll drive you wherever you need to go.” Tina put down the the book she was reading and pushed her short self off of the bed. “Besides, I need to get out of the house.”
Now she was sitting in Our Lady of Jamnia. It was empty and the lanterns under the arcades were the only light. She liked it this way. A woman walked in through the side door, dressed in white and wearing a blue veil. She stood on the altar and spread her hands out. Tina was not about to go up and talk to her. The Immaculate Conception had struck again. In the little office that served as modern day confessional, Mackenzie and Father Hanley were having their talk.

“I really gave Vaughan a piece of my mind,” Mackenzie said, marching across the threadbare carpet of the room and pounding his fist into his palm. “I really let him have it. Granted on a phone message cause he wasn’t there. But I told him where he could go for this.”
“For what?” Ralph cocked his head.
“For telling you what’s none of your business,” Mackenzie snapped, and then added, “Father.”
The green eyed man laughed and shook his head.
“I’m afraid you owe my nephew an apology.”
Mackenzie cocked his head.
“Vaughan didn’t tell me anything. Except to mind my own business.”
Mackenzie’s eyes widened. Then he went absolutely pale. Ralph Hanley started to laugh.
“No, you don’t understand,” Mackenzie said. “He’s my best friend.”
“We know that. Everyone knows that.”
“I’ve never said stuff like that before. I was mean.”
“You’ve been flawless too long. Have a seat, Kenzie.”
Mackenzie frowned and sat down.
“Life has finally gotten hard for you?” Ralph shrugged. “Everyone gets a cross. Here’s yours.”
“Yeah, I read that stuff in the catechism about this being my cross and how I should live a life of celibate chastity and give my longings to God.”
“And?”
Mackenzie frowned and said, “Firstly, it’s too late for that. Secondly, I think it’s bullshit.”
Ralph shrugged.
“Well, that’s not what I mean by your cross. I wasn’t saying that the Vatican can give you your cross and make you decide what to do. I’m saying your cross is being you, and you’ve just started to learn who you are. It’s just started to get a little hard.”
“Life has never been easy,” Mackenzie said.
Father Hanley raised an eyebrow. Father Hanley had always been around, and always seen Mackenzie with Vaughan. One popular and cute and well received, the other none of these things in childhood. One with two parents, however crazy, another one with a dead mother. It struck Mackenzie that Father Hanley actually would have known Vaughan’s mother, been friends with her.
“Okay,” Mackenzie sighed. “It has been easy. But I don’t know what I believe. That’s a problem too.”
“No one ever believes -- really has a grown up belief in God-- until it gets rough,” Ralph Hanley told him. “Not until you meet real life, and you have to ask if the religion you got when you were growing up is really sufficient for this? Of course-- it isn’t. Christ is more than Catholic School. They really don’t tell you too much about Jesus do they? At Our Lady?”
Mackenzie frowned and said, “We had Jesus stories when I was little. And then we had catechesis later on. Getting ready for Confirmation and all.”
“But Jesus?” Ralph pressed.
“Well, not really.”
“You all never read the Bible. Certainly didn’t have theology or history classes at K through 8.”
Mackenzie shook his head firmly.
“And now you’re a grown up, Kenzie, regardless if you like it or not, and that’s kids stuff. So now you’ve got to start learning for yourself, and dealing with a real God, see?”
“It’s not fair that God made me gay,” Mackenzie said suddenly.
“It’s not fair that God made me Black in 1950 in Jamnia,” Ralph said. “But I’m happy he did and I think you’re pretty happy you’re the way you are. So get over it, alright, son.”
Mackenzie, who had been staring into his cupped palms said, “Do you still want me to be server and all that.
“As long as you want to be, until you work out what you’ve got to do,” Ralph said, nodding. “But make sure you know what you’ve got to do, alright?”
Mackenzie nodded.
“And make sure you apologize to my nephew,” Ralph added.

WHEN VAUGHAN PLAYED BACK THE message the first time, he and Madeleine had to play it again. The third time Rodder and Luke were there to hear it, and Luke murmured appreciatively, “He got in a few good ones.”
“Whaddit you do, man?” Rodder asked.
“He didn’t do anything,” Madeleine said, a little miffed. “It’s what Kenzie thought he did. I’ll erase this.”
“No,” Vaughan said, smiling a little appreciatively, “Save it. For posterity’s sake. I never knew he had it in him.”
A little while later, there was a knock at the door, and on the other side of the lace curtained glass pane Tina stood beside Mackenzie, who was bearing a placard that said, I’M SORRY.
“Come on in you idiots.”
Mackenzie put down the sign and brandished flowers.
“They’re plastic.”
“It’s winter.” Mackenzie shrugged as he shut the door behind me. “I’m sorry, Vaughan, I jumped to conclusions,” he said while Tina kissed Vaughan on the head and went toward the kitchen.
“It’s some of your best work,” Vaughan said. “I gotta tell you,” he helped his friend out of his coat, “when you came out I was afraid for you. I thought, Kenzie’s so sweet and everything he’ll get stepped on. But lately you’ve proved you can hang with the best... Or the worst. You’re getting dangerous, kid.”
“Shut up,” Mackenzie said, but he was turning red.
Down the hall and in the kitchen, Mackenzie received a standing ovation from Rodder, Luke and Madeleine.
“Everyone heard?” he said.
“It was one hell of a message,” Madeleine said.
Mackenzie turned to Vaughan and said, “Can we erase it?”
“Hell no. My birthday’s not far off. This is leverage.”
“And Valentine’s Day is next week,” Tina realized. “I’m dying my hair black in celebration.”
Luke nodded. “Makes sense.”
“Whose taking you out?” Madeleine said to her friend, “Luke? Or Mr. Stearne?”
“Mr. Stearne?” started Luke.
“Don’t even joke,” Tina said.
“I’d do him,” Madeleine said, then remembered herself, turned to Rod and said, “If I wasn’t happily attached.” She turned to Tina for confirmation.
“I would not do as you so eloquently put it, Madeleine, George Stearne even if it meanth I could make the valedictory speech and go to college for free.”
“Hell, I’d to George Stearne for that,” Luke admitted. “What?” he said to them. “Oh, Rod, don’t tell me you wouldn’t.”
Rod stretched and said, “I think I’ve had enough of this talk about doing and not doing people.”
“I wish someone would do me,” Madeleine said.
“Could you get out the house before you start ripping your clothes off?” Vaughan said to his sister.
“One big happy family,” Mackenzie commented. “I better call Ian.”
He went to the phone, called over to the house on Sandcastle Road, and then returned the table.
“Crud,” he said.
“That’s the mildest word you’ve used all day,” Vaughan commented.
“Ian’s at our house,” Mackenzie told Tina.
“Well, what’s the problem? Send him on over.”

“Why all the questions about God and the universe all of a sudden?” Tina said, fingering the cross at the end of the rosary that hung around her neck.
“Mackenzie is having a faith crisis,” Vaughan said. They were in the kitchen of the Foster house. Luke keeping Old Coconut more or less quiet.
“My father says no one ever has faith until there is a crisis,” Vaughan reported.
“My crisis,” Mackenzie said, throwing himself down, and stretching out across the table, “is that I thought I didn’t believe, and I actually felt better for that. But now I don’t know if I believe that I don’t believe.”
“I think everyone’s like that,” Tina said after a moment’s thought. “I mean maybe you have to be. Like, I didn’t believe a word I heard at Our Lady of Jamnia, and when Mom tried to get me and Ash to go to Saint Mary’s across the river -- and you kids should thank us for this -- the one time we agreed on something is when we both said, hell no, and went to Jamnia.”
“Lindsay would have wanted to go,” Mackenzie said.
“Lindsay’ a bitch,” Tina dismissed her sister. “And she’s giving Derick Todd handjobs.”
“What?” said Vaughan.
“I’m almost sure of it,” Tina went on. “My point is: that I didn’t know if I believed in what the Church was telling me, but I believed in God. And shit, at Jamnia High you’ve got to. Cause you’ve got so much other shit out there.”
“New Agers, Witches,” Luke started the list.
“No, not that. That’s the cake. It’s not even the Jews and Hindus. It’s other Christians. High church like Ian and Roy, Then you got Presbyterians, and I don’t know what they’re about. And the Baptists. The folks who are “just Christians” and they’re running around thumping their Bibles and shit, and it’s like: what do I believe in?”
“I used to say I just believe in Jesus,” Vaughan said, getting up to go to refrigerator.
“I did too,” Tina said. “But when I was talking to kids from Bible study groups and all that I started to realize that what I meant when I said that was pretty different from what they meant. They were just going “Jesus,” and I was talking about Jesus with saints and angels and two thousand years of history. So...”
“I think it’s all fucked,” Luke said.
“I don’t know if you’re being profound or not,” Tina told him.
“Well, what I mean,” Luke said, stroking the dog’s head now that Coconut had placed it on his thigh, “is why can’t people just agree on something. Just something basic?”
“That’s what I need?“ Mackenzie said. “Maybe I’ll go to that non-denominational church where they say, ‘Just Jesus!’ You know the commercial.”
“Firstly,” Vaughan spoke, “Nobody means ‘Just Jesus’. What they mean is ‘Jesus the Way we see him.’ ”
“Yeah, Kenzie, that’s a smart idea,” his sister wadded a napkin, and tossed it in his face, “Cause you know how much Evangelicals just love gay people.”
“Maybe Pastor Ebright can throw a wedding for you and Ian,” Vaughan chuckled.
“You’re so funny,” Mackenzie told his friend,
“The other day I was sitting on the can--” Luke started.
“Here we go...” Tina murmured.
“And the dog was barking, and no one else was in the house to let Old Coconut in. I wanted to, but I was otherwise occupied. And I started to wonder if that’s what it’s like when you pray and you don’t get an answer. Is there some cosmic equivalent with God sitting on the bowl?”
“As much as I want to laugh at you for saying that,” Tina told Luke, “I almost think that makes a great deal of sense.” She took out a cigarette and said, “I wonder.”
Upstairs, above them, someone flushed the toilet.
Vaughan laughed so hard, Mackenzie had to pick him up off of he floor.


Aileen was cooking this morning, which made Ashley suspect that since this was Valentine’s Day her mother had either just had sex or was about to have sex. When Tina came downstairs her twin muttered, “Well if it isn’t Elvira.” And all her family looked up to see her hair was jet black again, except for the wings, which were white.
“Holy shit, fuck, goddamn motherfuck!” Ryan fired out.
Kevin went from his son to his daughter, equally amazed.
“Morning, Tina,” Aileen said, uneclipsed, and went on flipping pancakes.
“Why?” Lindsay demanded, “do you choose to make yourself so ugly?”
“Why? Tina replied, sitting between Ross and Mackenzie, “do I have a choice while you have to be ugly everyday?”
Ross snorted and said, “Good one, Tina.”
“Now kids,” was all Kevin said. He was expressionless. Tina would have paid money to find out whose side her father was on sometimes, whose jokes he was secretly laughing at.
Kevin just continued drinking his coffee and reading the paper.

Nearly everyone who mattered had something planned for Valentine’s Day. Ralph, Cedric, and Ida were going to the casino on the river to blow their money. Madeleine had said she was going to have dinner with Rodder’s family, which was a lie. Vaughan had upped and left for the monastery. Ian and Mackenzie went to the mall and dinner, something seemingly innocuous and unromantic that two buddies would do.
“Wanna share a shake?” Mackenzie said. “We can have two straws and moon over each other at Burger King?”
“God, you’re a nut job.” Ian told him.

Luke had told Tina to bring a coat. They were going by the factory.
“Bring the kids too,” he said, and she knew he meant Roy and Ryan.
The sky was a tired white blue when Tina showed up at the tracks.
“You know,” she told Luke from the safety of her enormous fur trimmed hood, “I think this is the dumbest time of the year to celebrate love. It’s cold as fuck, and the ground’s frozen and look: more snow!”
They were walking between the rusty old trains. To their left were series of dead ones, to their right, a living breathing one, getting ready to take off.
Behind Luke and Tina, Roy and Ryan ran about like squirrels, picking stuff up and showing it to each other, and then to Luke and Tina.
“What are we doing?” Tina suddenly asked Luke.

“I can’t believe we’re doing this!” Tina shouted, then she hooked her hand around the rail as the boxcar sped through the country, and screamed out onto the rapidly passing tracks of white fields.
“How will we get back?” She turned to Luke who was reading a book under a rattling lantern, the yellow dog’s head on his lap.
“I’ve done this shit before. Trust me, Tina.”
“This is so cool!” Ryan shouted.
“Don’t fall off, Ry. Or else I’ll have to tell Mom you were abducted by aliens.”

Mackenzie lay awake with Ian’s arm over him. The other boy was snoring softly in his ear. Mackenzie heard the feet coming up the stairs, the giggles. He backed his elbow into Ian’s chest.
“Huh?”
“Ian, wake up. I think it’s them.”
Mackenzie climbed out of bed in his pajama pants and opened the door, sticking his head out.
“You all are in so much trouble,” he told Tina, Luke and the two younger boys.
“Are Mom and Dad gonna have a cow?”
“No, but I am,” Ian poked his head out of the door. “Where the hell have you all been?”
His eyes landed on Roy.
Roy smirked and said, “To Ashtabula!”
“What the hell’s in Ashtabula?” Mackenzie demanded.
“Absolutely nothing,” Roy answered, smiling broadly.
“Well, I’m a little miffed at you,” Ian said, folding his arms over his chest. He stood in his boxers. “All of you. His eyes went around them.
Tina covered her mouth and giggled.
“What?” Ian said. “I’m serious.”
“Tina looked at Luke, and they both laughed before she spoke.
“He’s gotten so serious now that he’s a married man.”

Madeleine and Rodder lay curled up in the same bed room with the same heavy curtains where at the beginning of the school year she’d gone to bed alone, fleeing the memory of him.
“Was it a happy Valentine’s Day?” he asked her, leaning up on his elbow.
Madeleine ran a finger along Rodder’s shoulder and down his arm. “The present was big enough.”
“Oh, “ Rod said, grinning. “Well.”
“I’ll never hear the end of it now,” Madeleine said, laying on her back.
Rod leaned over her. “I thought you were talking about the pendant.”
“Liar,”
He kissed her.
“How did you pay for that, though?”
“I robbed a bank,” he said, kissing her again, planting his arms on either side of her and kissing her, and kissing her. “That’s how we’ll make our living. You’ll sing, and I’ll rob banks and we’ll be happy together.” he began kissing her throat and her shoulders and Madeleine ran her hands over his scalp and his neck.
“The problem is,” she murmured as he began sucking on her throat, “there’s no future in either one.”
Rod stopped.
“Whaddo you mean?”
“There’s no future in it,” Madeleine said. “It’s fun, but I can’t keep it up.”
Rod sat up, looking irritated.
“Like hell, he said. “You will sing,” he told her.
“Really, are you gonna be my manager?”
“Yeah!” Rod said suddenly. “I will.”
“From MIT?” she looked doubtful.
“I’ll work something out.”